Freeing Myself
by let-the-rain-fall-down
Summary: When Tris arrives at the compound, how does she affect Four's life? What happens to him when he realizes that he can't stay away from her? Divergent from Four's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

"Initiation day, Four. Get your ass out of bed!" A voice calls from a few yards away. I shift over to my side and grumble, blinking a few times. I see Lauren's tall frame filling my small doorway into the cramped room that I get to call mine.

"Coming," I mumble. Lauren sighs and walks away, leaving me to myself. I throw my legs over the side of my bed and rub the heels of my hand into my eyes. I throw my head back and groan. I was not excited for this day to come, not in the slightest. I push myself off the bed and head to the bathrooms to get ready. By the time I had taken a shower and make it into the Pit, a majority of my faction has gathered and is milling about. Black is everywhere I turn. I still haven't gotten used to the color change, not even after two years.

I make my way through the tunnels, assuming Lauren is already by the Drop. I was right; I walk into the large, dark room and make eye contact with her instantly. She waves at me and grins. I join her side next to the Net, but don't say anything. Instead, I stare up into the giant opening above us and wonder what Lauren says aloud.

"Who do you think will be first?" She asks. I shrug, not bothering to answer. She'll go on anyway. And she does. "I think it'll be Uriah. He wouldn't let Zeke show him up, right? He's been so excited for this, it will definitely be him," she rambles. I make a noise that sounds relatively like agreement and continue staring at the gaping hole.

Movement catches my eye and I squint at the edge of the hole to get a better look. A tiny, black figure had moved to the edge of the opening and was standing there. If it was Uriah, he had lost a lot of weight over the past…day. I do not turn to face Lauren and keep staring above my head as I say, "I think you're wrong."

The black figure leaps off of the ledge and plummets into the Drop. They don't make any noise as they drop, which is impressive. I can't tell whether it's a guy or a girl because it's so goddamn dark in here. Whoever it is hits the net hard. They struggle for air; it must have been lost on the drop. I laugh slightly, remembering the same thing happening to me on my first time here.

I walk to the edge of the net with a few other helpers and extend my hand. The first jumper selects mine and I guide them to the floor. I can tell instantly that it's a girl now. The outline of her face is illuminated by a light we had on in the tunnel. She's pale, and her blonde hair doesn't do much to help her stand out. I suck in a breath as it hits me. The first jumper was a tiny girl from Abnegation.

The girl almost falls, so I instinctively reach out to save her. I grasp her arms until she stands up properly and then let go.

"Thank you," she says. She has a soft voice, but I detect a different tone lying beneath it. It's intriguing.

"Can't believe it," Lauren scoffs from behind me. She gives me a knowing look and I roll my eyes at her. "A Stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of," she states. I detect the sly dig and know it was directed at me. She knows how scared I was when I had to jump into the pit.

"There's a reason why she left them, Lauren," I say, defending the girl I don't even know. For some reason, a part of me was dying to know why she did. "What's your name?"

"Um…" she hesitates. I start to smile, my liking for this girl growing more and more by the minute. She must have hated Abnegation as much as I did, if she's considering leaving everything behind, including her name.

"Think about it. You don't get to pick again," I say softly, even though I knew it was a lie. I was the exception.

Her eyes light up as she decides her new name. "Tris," she states firmly.

"Tris," Lauren repeats. She likes the name as much as I do, I can tell from her facial expression. "Make the announcement, Four."

I turn around and yell out to the rest of the crowd, "First jumper—Tris!"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, everyone behind me goes wild. Cheers erupt and fill the loud room with a form of warmth that I had grown to love. It makes me want to smile, but I have to keep my composure. I sneak a side glance at Tris, still standing beside me. She was grinning nervously and her eyes kept flitting around, taking in her environment.

_Snap out of it, Four_, I told myself. I couldn't let her distract me. I hear a scream and turn back to the net. I see another person falling and they hit the net. It's another girl. Everyone is laughing at her reaction. I sense Tris shift and smile next to me. They must be friends.

I turn back to Tris, unable to help myself. I press my hand onto her back, tiny and frail. It surprises me, how small she is. She must be mentally strong, otherwise she wouldn't be here. But I knew I couldn't doubt her physical strength, either.

"Welcome to Dauntless," I manage to say. She looks up at me, her eyes brown and big. I glance away quickly and give her a tiny push, moving her away from me and into the crowd. I need to focus on getting the rest of the initiates out of the net and into the tunnel.

But as each initiate passes through, I still can't stop seeing Tris's eyes in each of their faces. It scares me. Why does she have that effect on me? I shake her memory out of my head as best as I can. I am Dauntless, I can get anything out of my head if I try hard enough.

I succeed, more or less, and the rest of the initiates are on the floor, waiting. I brush past them to the front of the line, trying to avoid staring at Tris.

This was going to be the longest initiation I would ever have to endure.


	2. Chapter 2

Lauren and I turn on our heels and begin walking down the tunnel. I'm used to the darkness, I find it relaxing. I can hear murmurs behind me as the transfers look around at the stony walls. I can hear a boy whispering to others about he isn't scared of the darkness one bit. I roll my eyes and bite my tongue, refusing to get on people's cases this early. That's what I hate the most about being the trainer; getting the stupid kids that think they know everything. I had initiates like that in my own class, and I didn't want to have to put up with that any more.

I feel Laurens fingers prod the inside of my wrist and we stop walking at the same time. We turn around and face the initiates. I cross my arms tightly over my chest and scan the crowd. Where was Tris? _I don't want to know_, I remind myself. Instead, I turn my head towards Lauren.

"This is where we divide," she says. _And leave me to handle the annoying initiates_, I added in my head. "The Dauntless-born initiates are with me. I assume _you_ don't need a tour of the place." She grins at the initiates and gathers them behind her. Eventually, they leave us in the tunnel, all alone.

I do a head count of the left over initiates. I total nine bodies, which is a pretty average number for transfers. I size them up and estimate that less than half of them will actually make it through initiation. The others will become factionless. I notice some of the initiates staring blankly at me, so I clear my throat.

"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four," I say, bored already.

The girl who followed Tris after she dropped speaks up. "Four? Like the number?"

"Yes," I say, irritated. What else was it supposed to stand for? "Is there a problem?"

"No," she squeaks.

"Good," I snap. My eyes flicker to Tris and I tighten for a second. I change my stare to a blond boy standing a few bodies down from the two girls and continue. "We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It—"

The same girl gives a tiny laugh at my expense. Fire lights up inside of me. "The Pit? Clever name." she says sarcastically.

I've had about enough of her. I walk slowly over to her and lean in, trying to look as intimidating as I possibly can. "What's your name?" I ask bitterly.

"Christina," she responds in a high pitched voice.

"Well, Christina," I begin, "if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction. The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut," I say, venom dripping on every word. "Got that?"

Christina nods and blanches. I smirk slightly and turn around, walking away from the group. They follow me obediently, and this time they're quiet. That is, until Christina whispers about me to someone I can only guess to be Tris. I notice that I'm right when I hear her soft voice respond. I didn't say anything to quiet them, interested instead in what Tris was saying. However, I couldn't hear her very well over the scuffling of the initiates' feet.

We were reaching the end of the poorly lit tunnel. The double doors grow larger and larger until I reach out and shove them open. The light in the Pit hurts my eyes for a second before my eyes adjust. I walk over to the side of the group to let them get their bearings of the place on their own.

As expected, mouths drop and hushed whispers fly around. I smile a little to myself and I can't help but remember myself standing in that pack two years ago. I didn't know what was ahead of me, but I couldn't wait to get as far away from my old faction as I could.

I let them glance around in wonder for a few minutes, trying not to watch Tris and failing. She has the same reaction that I did. Overwhelming desire to tell everyone to calm down. "If you follow me, I'll show you the chasm," I say over them. The group follows me as I lead them to the right and against the iron railing that separates the Pit floors from certain death.

"The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy," I shout over the roar of the rapid water beneath us. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again," I yell. An image of ropes pulling a man back over the railings fills my head. I try to push away the awful memories from last year and focus back on the group. "You have been warned."

Suddenly, I imagine Tris falling into the chasm and I shudder. _Why?_ I ask myself. _Why are you letting her into your head? You don't even know her. She's an initiate. Nothing can happen._ I grind my teeth in frustration and wave the initiates back behind me, keeping a wary eye on them until we back far enough away from the railing. It's time for them to eat, so I take them into the dining hall.

I step foot into the large room and everyone stands and cheers. I laugh at them and keep walking so the rest of the group can come inside. They all look astonished, excited even by all of the applause. Most of them, at least. One of the girls from Erudite keeps glancing around and fidgeting. She bites her lip and turns to the guy next to her, who puts a reassuring arm around her waist.

Christina moves to the side and finds a table that we will fit at. I follow her and Tris does too, and before I know it, I'm sitting next to Tris at the table. I calm myself down, reminding myself that she's just a friend. As I turn slightly towards her, I realize that she is just that. A friend, nothing more.

Now that I can actually focus, I notice that they served us hamburgers for dinner. I grab a bun and meat and quickly assemble my burger. I'm about to bite into it when I notice Tris holding a hamburger as if it were a foreign object. I stifle a grin as I watch her. Abnegation isn't used to food like this.

I nudge her and she turns to me. "It's beef. Put this on it," I say, reaching for the bowl of ketchup next to the burgers. She still stared at it in bewilderment.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina gasps. She must not know much about any other factions.

"No," Tris states. "Is that what it's called?

Christina still looks confused and shocked, so I fill her in. "Stiffs eat plain food.

"Why?" she asks.

I shrug, as if I don't know the full answer. "Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary." As soon as the words slip out, I shut my mouth. I glance sideways at Tris, but she doesn't seem to notice my worry. For some reason, I don't want her to know that I used to be like her. In fact, I didn't want any of the initiates to know. They couldn't. It would show vulnerability.

Christina's voice breaks my reverie. "No wonder you left."

"Yeah," Tris says heavily, rolling her eyes at her friend. "It was just because of the food."

I start to smile, sarcasm being a language I actually enjoyed listening to, but stopped myself just in time. I couldn't show favoritism, not this early on. Suddenly, the doors bang open and I instantly know who will be walking through it. Who else would cause the room to fall silent? I grit my teeth and stare at the wall across the room, trying not to follow Eric's path with my eyes.

"Who's that?" Christina whispers.

"His name is Eric," I say, trying not to sound icy. "He's a Dauntless leader." _It could've been me._

"Seriously? But he's so young."

I turn to her, too many memories bubbling up in my mind. "Age doesn't matter here," I say. Of course it doesn't. Ever since they changed what Dauntless was really about, power and force unearthed itself in this faction. Battle smarts didn't matter as long as you had enough muscle to pound someone into the ground.

I make the mistake of glancing upwards and my eyes meet with Eric's. I clench my fists as Eric gives me a knowing smile and saunters over to our table. He throws himself into the chair next to me, which is way too close for comfort. He sits there and stares at the three of us while the two girls stare back. I look at the table.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" He asks me rudely, nodding to the girls.

"This is Tris and Christina," I say mechanically.

"Ooh, a Stiff," says Eric. Heat rushes through me, unexplained anger forms inside me as he keeps talking. "We'll see how long you last." I swear, if I could punch him without getting thrown out of the faction, I would.

Eric doesn't seem to sense anything wrong with the manner that surrounded our stilted conversation. Tris has grown tense next to me, something we both shared when Eric was around, I notice. "What have you been doing lately, Four?" Eric asks lazily.

I pull a sort of shrug and stare at Eric's forehead. "Nothing, really." I can sense Tris studying us. I want to move this conversation elsewhere, but Eric won't have that.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up," Eric continues. I grind my teeth into my cheek. "He requested that I find out what's going on with you." Of course he wasn't here to help Max. He was here to rub it in my face that he was a leader and I was not. He knew full well that I would never take up a leading position.

"Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold," I say professionally.

"So he wants to give you a job," Eric states. He must have already known that.

"So it would seem," I reply.

"And you aren't interested."

"I haven't been interested for two years," I remind him.

"Well," he says. "Let's hope he gets the point then." He rises and slaps me on the shoulder. I am pushed forward just a fraction, but I know what he meant. I was beneath him. I watched Eric leave our area and begin to talk to another Dauntless. I relaxed slightly, but I was still bitter and on edge.

"Are you two…friends?" Tris asks me tentatively.

"We were in the same initiate class. He transferred from Erudite," I say. I grow more frustrated, realizing that I just hinted that I was a transfer as well.

"Were you a transfer too?" Tris asks. She's smart, I notice.

But I'm already irritated and worried that she'll know who I am, so I can't help snapping at her. "I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too more questions. Now I've got Stiffs, too?" I regret being so cold to her, but I need to be able to control her. And with what I've seen recently, stern and harsh authority is the only thing that wins anymore.

"It must be because you're so approachable," she retorts flatly. "You know. Like a bed of nails." I stare at her, surprised. I expected her to back off. She stares right back at me, unwavering. Suddenly I'm filled with dread, a thought filling my mind.

If she is this defiant already with me, she is going to pose a threat to Eric and the others. And they will not have that. "Careful, Tris," I warn her as her cheeks begin to blush. I hear my name being called out by one of my friends, so I leave the table without a word. I have had enough of Tris for the moment. I couldn't slip up any more than I already had.

"Hey, man," Zeke says as I slide into the chair next to him. "Initiates showing any trouble yet?"

I glance over at Tris and Christina, Chritina grinning and Tris looking confused. Zeke must have followed my gaze because he laughs.

"Got yourself a Stiff buddy?" he jokes, hitting me on the back. I lean on my elbows and force a smile. The Dauntless know where I'm from. They know I'm a rarity, coming from Abnegation. But they don't know anything more than that. If they did, I would be dead by now. I was trying my best to stay alive, no matter what I had to do to protect myself. And if I had already had a few minor slip ups with Tris, I was going to ruin it all very, very soon.

A hand waves in front of my face. "Hello, Four? Are you there?" I snap out of it and see Lauren smiling down at me. She pulls out the chair across from me and I pull my arms back off of the table. I lean back in my chair and study her. Being in the same initiate class, we had gotten close. Too close, it seems, because I can't shake the feeling that Lauren feels more for me than I do for her.

"He's fascinated by another transfer from Abnegation," Zeke laughs. I tense up and glare at him, but all he does is shrug. "What? I saw how you stared at her. I'm just observing," he finished in a slow and deep voice. He was making fun of me. They all did, knowing that I barely talk and always observe. They know that I prefer to use smarts and wit in a battle than my fists. They know, but they don't understand.

"Good for you," Lauren says. My eyes connect with hers and I search for any form of deceit. She seems to be sincere, except I can see that her body language has changed. Her blinks are longer and she has leaned back, like me. She's not happy with it, but she'll get over it.

"That's not true," I try to save myself, but I know it's a weak attempt. Zeke just snorts and picks apart a bread roll, popping a few pieces into his mouth. He then turns to Lauren and quizzes her about her own initiates, trying to find out information about his brother. The conversation is lighthearted and they seem to be engrossed in it, so I quietly slide my chair out and leave the dining hall.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey! Four! Wait up!" I hear a voice call from behind me. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose quickly before stopping and turning around. A head bobs around the corner of the tunnel and out comes Shauna. I give her a small smile and she grins in response. She runs to catch up with me and stops at my side, catching her breath. "Planning on ditching again?" she asks with a smile.

I shake my head and give a tiny laugh. "Nah, just walking back to my room," I lie.

She raises an eyebrow skeptically. "This early?" All I do is shrug. Shauna gives an exaggerated sigh. "Come on, we're going to go shooting in the training room."

I can't say no to Shauna, because all she'll do is bother me for the rest of the night. "Fine," I say after a slight pause, and Shauna claps me on the back.

"Thatta boy. Let's go!" She turns around, grasping my wrist and pulling me along. There's nothing else for me to do but follow her and enjoy myself.

We make our way down the tunnel, side by side. My heartbeat speeds up as I notice how close the walls are. I imagine the top of the tunnel giving way to the land above it and becoming trapped in here forever. It's enough to make me pick up my pace and pass Shauna up.

"Where's the fire?" she jokes from behind me, matching her pace with mine now.

A nervous laugh escapes my lips before I can silence it. "I just want to get back to the group," I say lamely.

"What, am I scary on my own or something?"

I can't tell Shauna why I'm walking so fast. It would only give her reason to either make fun of me more or to feel sorry for me, something I couldn't stand. "Nope," I try to slow my heart rate and relax, like I do in my fear simulations. I focus on my breathing and my footsteps. I slow down until I reach our beginning pace. It's obvious that something's freaking me out, but Shauna doesn't mention it. She only shoots me a curious glance before changing the subject.

"So how are the initiates?" she asks as we swing around another corner.

"I can't really tell, we haven't started anything yet," I shrug.

"Well what about your intuition? You know, like picking out the top ten by sight?" Shauna shows her teeth in a smile and the light hanging from the walls dances off of the shiny surfaces.

"There are two girls that look a little smaller than the rest of the transfers. One's an Erudite and one's a Stiff. It seems impossible that they could lift a knife, let alone a gun," I think aloud. But then I remember Tris being the first jumper, and I know I should revise it. "Then again, I can't judge them before I see them perform."

"The Stiff? Wasn't she the first jumper?" Shauna asks. I nod, and she blows air out in a low whistle. "Pretty impressive."

"Tell me about it." I can see the doors that lead to the training room grow in the distance.

"Hey, Four?" Shauna asks from beside me, stopping in her tracks. I turn my head in her direction in surprise. "This is coming just from me, and no one else," she pauses and looks up at me as if she's almost _scared _of me.

"What?" she's caught my attention now and I grow more irritated with each second she stalls. She lets out a breath.

"Can you give Lauren a chance?"

The tunnel is silent as I stare at her, wondering what in the world brought this up. I must look confused because she rushes on, her hands flying in animation. "It's just, you two are really good friends, and you know she likes you. I've seen the way you are with her. It's so much different from how you are with me or anyone else."

My eyes shift to Shauna's to see if there's some type of ulterior motive lie beneath them. But all I can see is pure concern. I study her for a moment longer, trying to calculate my response to her question. It's not like I don't like Lauren. I do, to a point. I just don't know what that point is.

"Shauna…" I begin, but her heaving sigh stops me.

"Look, Four, I just want you to be happy, okay? And you are your happiest with her. It's just an observation." With that, Shauna closes the remaining distance to the door and I have no choice but to follow behind her, my mind whirring. She shoves the door open and holds it open until I step into the frame, where she drops it and walks away.

I'm about to call out to her when I hear the familiar sound of a gun ringing out. I glance to the center of the floor to see Zeke standing, blindfolded, in a ring drawn on the ground with some sort of marker. Lauren stands not far away from him, marker in hand, a grin lighting her face.

"Did I make it?" Zeke calls out tentatively. He lifts the blindfold off of one eye and peeks at the target that hangs fifty feet away from him. I check the board quickly and I can't help grinning myself.

There is a hole in the dead center of the target.

The sound of high fives rings through the air and I walk over to where Zeke is standing.

"Went dead center!" Lauren calls after walking over to the target. She pushes the board this way and that to examine it and gives a little nod when she solidifies her response.

Zeke throws his arms in the air and gives a cheer that's surprisingly loud coming from such a small person. "That's seven in a row, a new record!" I glance over at Lauren and she gives me a small nod and a knowing smile. He's not lying, I know it.

That's the thing about our friendship. Lauren and I, we're different. We were both transfers and we bonded instantly when we were in our initiation. We were a ruthless duo, and we still are. Memories of sneaking out of the Pit to do stupid things with the other transfers flood my mind. Lauren and I would stick together in the back of the pack. I would observe what everyone would do and Lauren would execute it. It's how we function. But I didn't mean for it to develop into what Shauna was saying. We were friends.

Something sharp pokes my side, and I spin around instinctively. Lauren smiles up at me and brushes her black hair out of her eyes. "You wanna go?"

"What?" For a second, I think that she's hinting that we go away somewhere together, and my heart freezes. I stammer for words, but then realize that she's pointing to the area behind me. Heat rushes to my face and I try to angle away from her slightly so he can't tell. If she does, she doesn't say anything.

"Sure, why not," I comply, heading over to the center of the room where Zeke was previously standing. "But get me a knife instead," I call behind me to the three.

I pick up the blindfold from the ground. Zeke had thrown it down in the midst of his celebration. I try to stretch it over my head, but Zeke is too small and the band won't break the crown of my head. I sigh as I bend my head and deftly slide my fingers through the knot and begin to retie it.

"Hey," a soft voice says from my left shoulder. I shift my eyes slightly in response to Lauren, letting her know I'm listening. "Keep your knees bent, yeah? You stiffen up too much and it's throwing off your center."

I finish the knot and swiftly slide the blindfold over my head. "Yeah, because you're quite the knife thrower yourself," I joke to Lauren, turning my head blindly in her direction. I laugh slightly as I remember one of the first initiation lessons we received. Lauren couldn't throw a knife to save her life, and it took me a whole training period to finally get her to hit the target.

"Shut up," she mumbles. "I was just trying to help." Her slim fingers wrap around the pointed bone in my wrist and my hand clenches automatically. I grit my teeth and uncurl my fingers, Shauna's words flashing behind my eyes. I have to give her a chance.

The plastic handle of the knife is pushed into my hand and I clasp it for dear life. I slide my fingers up and down the handle and feel the length of the blade with my other hand. I can hear Lauren retreating behind me and I'm finally able to focus.

The knife blade can't be longer than five or six inches, a standard size that I'm used to throwing with. I grip the knife loosely in my right hand and shift my weight to my usual stance. I take a deep breath and pull my arm back, keeping my wrist loose. I'm about to throw the knife when I hear Lauren cough. I roll my eyes and bend my knees slightly. She stops coughing and I try to focus on where I think the target is.

I remember it being around fifty yards away from the center of the circle. I have to give the blade an arc so it can get as close to the center as possible, but I have to throw hard too. I try to keep all of this in mind as I bring my arm behind my body and throw the knife. The second I let go of the knife, I grin. I made it, I had to.

Sure enough, a muffled thump sounds out as the knife hits the board. I yank the blindfold off of my eyes as check the target. Sitting in it, dead center, is my knife.

"Damn," I hear Zeke mutter, awe leaking into his tone. I turn around and give him a small smile. He grins back at me. My eyes roam to Lauren, who's smiling as if she knew I'd hit it in the center all along, and to Shauna, who's staring at me, her mouth slightly open.

I walk over to the target and wrench the knife out. Still, no one has said anything, so I quickly cover the distance back to them and stand in front of Zeke. I raise my eyebrows and hold out the knife and blindfold. He takes them from me and laughs.

"And that's why you were number one," he shakes his head.

"Seriously, why didn't you take leader-in-training? You could've done so much better than Eric," Shauna says in disgust. She makes a face, like even Eric's name was something she would never want to say.

I sigh and glance over at the door, taking a few baby steps towards it. I can feel their eyes on me, so I can't leave. Shauna's question was rhetorical, but I know that they are all desperate to know why I turned it down.

"Sorry to disappoint," is all I say, my shoulders shrugging. Lauren can sense my discomfort and is quick to interrupt the pause that follows.

"Well with a throw like that, the new initiates will be trained to perfection, yeah?" she grins, and then sighs melodramatically. "I wish my initiates were trainable. They think they know everything because they were Dauntless born. But I know a few that will be extremely lucky if they don't make it back in."

"Transfers are naturally more awesome," Shauna adds, flipping her hair. She shoots a taunting smile at Zeke who makes a face at her. She laughs, and he grows more agitated. It's weird, looking at the two of them, both the same body frame. But even though Zeke is small, he's lethal in any fight, quicker than anyone I've ever seen.

"Dauntless-born always have the advantage, and we shouldn't even have to go through the initiation stage," Zeke says, causing Shauna to make an outraged noise.

"How dare you say that!" she shrieks. She begins to harp on Zeke, who stares at her, unblinking, and throws in heated retorts of his own.

My eyes slide to Lauren's and she gives me a small smile. I respond with a tiny nod, thanking her for saving me. I look back at the other two, who are now in a full fledged fight. If I want to escape, now is the time. With one last look over my shoulder at Lauren, who is watching Shauna and Zeke intensely, ready to break them up at any second, I slowly walk towards the door, trying to blend into the background. I almost succeed and reach the doors without an interruption. However, as soon as my fingers reach the handle, my name is being called out behind me.

"Wait," Lauren says. I turn and move back slightly. She stands so close to me, our bodies are almost touching. "I just... I just wanted to ask you something." I raise my eyebrows at her. Lauren's never at a loss of words, especially not around me. "Do you want to hang out tomorrow night? Just, you know, us two?"

I stare into her dark brown eyes, trying to understand what she was trying to do. At first, all I can read is the hard determination that blazed inside of them. But then I catch a flash of something as I stand there, staring at her. Is it fear? Insecurity? Either way, it is something I have never seen in her before. And that's when I know that Shauna is right. Lauren really does want to be with me.

My eyes flit up to the spot where Shauna stands, staring intently at me. When she notices me, she waves me on, as if telling me to respond. Right. I clear my throat and look back at Lauren, who has taking a step back. I smile at her and try to relax.

"That sounds great," I respond, finally. Lauren's face lights up for a fraction of a second before she regains control and sets it back into its normal, stony appearance.

"Cool," she nods, before stepping away from me and turning her back on me. Before I turn back to the door, I can see her giving Shauna a thumbs up. I give a low chuckle and roll my eyes before turning my back on everyone and exiting the training room.

I'm suddenly aware of how wrong this is. I can't go out with Lauren. Not now, not ever. The closer I get to people, the more I'm putting them at risk. If I expose myself in any way, that's it. We're all done for.

I groan and run my hand through my hair. I stop walking and slam my head against the tunnel wall. I've grown so sick of this, the entire charade I've had to pull for two years now. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, no matter who I talk to, I am bound to be figured out soon. I will be executed on the spot, along with anyone who tries to help me.

I am Divergent. I am trapped.


	4. Chapter 4

I am not walking through the tunnels, as I normally do. I am running, sprinting, fleeing from the Pit. But from what? Ahead of me I can see a faint light pulsing. What's going on? I run harder, pumping my arms as fast as I can so I can reach the light. It seems absolutely necessary that I get to it as soon as possible.

Angry voices clatter together from somewhere in the tunnel. Are they behind me or in front of me? I can't tell, but they're growing closer, and the faster I try to run, the slower I end up moving. I whip my head from side to side in panic, desperate to find a hiding space. All I see is solid stone. _Think, Four. Think_. I cannot die here. I shut my eyes and stop running, my lungs burning. I beg for an escape route, for anything. I imagine a door.

My eyes pop open and catch on a new object. To the left, mere yards away from where I stand, is a metal door, just tall enough to fit me. The voices are just around the corner, so I lunge for the handle and yank the door open. I step inside and shut the door, expecting to enter another room.

But it's not. I can't tell where I am, it's pitch black and there is no sound. I stretch my arms out and try to move around, trying to discover my surroundings. Before I can straighten my arms out all the way, both of them hit something hard and smooth on both sides of me. My throat closes up as I realize it's a wall. My breathing turns shallow as I back up, hoping there's more room. My spine slams against more concrete. I reach forward for the door handle, but I can't find it.

I am going to die here. Panic floods through me and I'm gasping for air. The walls seem to be falling in closer and closer, squishing me until I'm sure I'm as thin as paper. I close my eyes tightly and press my palms to my face. I try to tell myself that it's no use panicking. I'm going to die no matter what I do.

And just like that, the darkness is gone. The feeling of being suffocated has lifted from my body, and I exhale as I move my arms and they hit nothing but air. I did it, I beat the simulation. A sigh of relief flees my mouth and I crouch onto my knees, grinning. But the euphoria is short lived, as I spy a pair of black, dirty shoes standing right in front of me.

I recognize them a second too late, and the blow knocks all of the air out of me. I am back on the ground, curled in a ball on my side. My stomach is in flames, my heart pounding. A kick strikes the bottom of my spine. I arch backwards and cry out in pain.

"Get up!" Eric spits at me. I groan, and he kicks me again, this time sending white hot pain to my head as his foot connects with it. I know I have to move. I have to get up, or else he'll keep kicking me and it will never end. I try to gather my strength and struggle to my knees. I take a deep breath and, ignoring the pain in my side, push myself up to a standing position.

I recognize my surroundings as the tunnel I was just running through. Except there isn't a pulsing light anymore. The tunnel is much brighter than it was before, and I can fully see everything around me. With a single scan, I know Eric and I are not alone. There are at least six other people, clad in black, surrounding me and Eric. All of them point guns at me, and a shiver runs up my spine.

Suddenly, I am grabbed from behind and my air pipes are cut off. A strong forearm wraps around my neck and a firm grip yanks my right arm from my side. I let out a strangled groan as they twist my arm and pin it between my shoulder blades. I try to wriggle out of the hold, but they won't budge. All I can do is stand as still as I can and pretend the pain will begin to numb.

I lift my eyes up straight ahead of me and they make contact with the top of Eric's head. I lower them until I am eye to eye with him, his deathly black eyes glinting with terror. He smirks at me and begins to pace around me and the person who is holding me.

"Four," he begins, "we know everything. We know you are Divergent." He laughs as I grunt, the loss of oxygen making my head dizzy. Or was it because I know that this is where it all ends? That they have figured me out? I try hard to focus my eyes on Eric's, but I'm slipping away.

"We know you are Divergent," he continues, "and we also know that you accessed the files. Tell me, Four, do you know the penalty for breaking through the computer firewalls?" He pauses, as if he actually expects me to answer. As if someone isn't trying to strangle me.

"No?" he laughs sadly. "I've always been smarter than you, Four. How could you have ever gotten a rank higher than me?" He sighs and shakes his head. "But that is not the matter. The problem here is how we should go about this. Hm? Shall I kill you here and now, let you be strangled to death? Or shall I torture you, tie you down, make you watch as I kill off every one of your friends, one by one?" I gasp as the arm around me loosens slightly. It's just enough for me to finally scrape air into my lungs, but the grip is too strong for me to fight out of it. I guess the person wants me to be tortured instead.

"Actually, now that I think about it, the latter seems like a great idea. Yes? How about I bring in your friends?" Eric snarls.

"No," I croak out softly. "No," I try again, a little louder. But I still don't sound threatening enough.

Eric steps up to me, the tips of his boots almost touching mine. He glares up at me. "You can't prevent this war, Four," he whispers venomously. "Or should I say, Tobias?" Sparking rage fires through me like a stick of dynamite. I am on fire, my eyes prickling with heat. I twist and jab my elbow into the stomach of the person holding me, and their grip slackens. I fall to my knees and swiftly roll to the side. I jump to my feet, but a hand is holding the back of my jacket and a gun is pointed at my head. I breathe through my teeth and try to make a plan of escape. But it's no use, I can't run away from six guns and a clan of strong fighters.

"Don't even try," he enunciates each word slowly, like tiny knifes that plunge into their target.

"Why, then?" I ask. If I'm going to die, he can at least answer the one question that has been haunting me ever since I saw the files for war in the computer database. Why would we ever fight Abnegation? Those who have kept us together, those who have done everything for us? Those whom I grew up with?

But Eric just laughs and the hand pushes me to my knees. I hang my head as I hear screams piercing through the air. Lauren. I know it, I can tell. It'll be Lauren first, then Zeke, then Shauna.

Then me. This always ends with me.

I sit up and gasp, swallowing mouthfuls of air. I press a hand to my forehead. It's slippery from the sheen of sweat that lines it. I feel like I'm about to throw up, so I run out of my bed and into the bathroom. I sit on the floor and place my head against the wall, which is slightly chilly. It relaxes me enough so I can try to slow my heartbeat.

It was just a dream. A dream that haunts me almost every night, ever since I lived that simulation in my initiation training. But the war bit…that was new. That was completely new, and that's what scares me the most.

I never thought that knowing the Dauntless's biggest secret—that we were going to war against the Abnegation—could lead to them discovering even more about me. No matter what the leaders discovered, whether it was that I had extra knowledge, or that I was different from everyone else, I will be dead. The thought shakes me from the core so much that I spring up and lean over the toilet. After throwing up the little food that sat in my stomach, I walk shakily back to my bed. I sit on the edge and stare at my hands that sit helplessly in my lap.

What do I do? My first thought is a reminder that I can't tell anybody. The Abnegation side of me—the larger majority of me—won't allow anyone to be in danger. It sucks, having to hold all of this in, all of the time. These secrets have swallowed me and trapped me. I feel the person I try so hard to be, a person that is a mix from all five factions, slipping away.

I groan and flop back onto my bed, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. I need a way out. I need to warn someone of this terrible thing that is about to happen. But who? I can't put my friends at a risk that large. I can't tell a random person because they won't believe me. I need someone who trusts me enough to defend the old Dauntless with me.

I'm slowly starting to realize that it will be impossible.


End file.
